Nothing-Ness

… nothing-ness…

The feeling of emptiness. My powers were revoked and I am alone. All I have now is the reminder that I am the poster girl for nothing-ness. The gruesome truth of the world always gets to me.

I believe there’s good in every single person. I do. You just have to find it in this nothing-ness we live in. I am the poster girl for loneliness. People say I’m Emo, but I’m no damn EMO! Can’t I just be Sabrina? I am not emotionally unstable but I have unstable emotions… okay so maybe I am but who’s to say I’m Emo?

I love everyone. I do. Now that we’ve established that, will we find a fool brave enough to love me back? Family sure as hell won’t waste their time doing it. Too much work and strain to try to hack into my world.

There’s a little girl in me that is crying 24/7 non-stop and it’s really hard to smile some days because she refuses. It’s really hard to smile at all because she’s not happy. My child hood got lost along the way of being mommy #2 to all of my siblings so… I want it back.

I refuse to keep cuddling up against my pillow crying almost hysterically because I am trying so hard to be strong but I am alone. I am trying not to give up but I am only human! How much can one person take of nothing-ness.

I am probably one of the loneliest people walking this earth. I wish I could find another lonely person and we will cancel each other’s loneliness out.

They ask why I am a lesbian and then they answer themselves ‘is it because you want a woman to love you the way your mother didn’t? Do you crave that nurturing touch of a woman?’ and I reply ‘why yes. That is it. Oh, you forgot to mention I love the taste of pussy.’ Then I depart, leaving their mouths hanging open and eyebrows furrowed in disgust.

I am the poster girl for Lonely Empty Emo Lesbian full of Nothing-ness.

~ by sabrinall on July 9, 2009.